Prone to wander, that I am. I’m 28 years old and I have to admit, I still have no freaking clue what will become of my life. Does anyone really know? There’s one thing that I have always know that I will become and that is a Mother. My hearts deepest, most sincere, longing desire is to be a Mom. I want kids more than anything! Unfortunately, after our entire first year of marriage trying, no luck. That is not to say it wont happen. So, here’s hoping! (Oh ya, tomorrow is our first year wedding anniversary, WE MADE IT!!)
But other than being a mother, what do I like? What does Nicole enjoy doing? What is she passionate about? I have worked in so many areas: customer service, sales, retail, marketing, social media, trades, etc. etc. etc., and I actually cant recall ever absolutely loving any of those jobs. I feel like we are called to enjoy our work, to actually love it. Do most people feel that way? I’m sick and tired or working at mindless jobs that make me sick and tired. Lets change that 🙂
By the grace of God and an incredibly supportive community I am able to stay home right now, and not go to work 40 hours a week. We have been so busy this summer traveling for Kevin’s work that I haven’t had much time to clean up or figure out my mess of a mind. As great as it is to travel around with my musician husband and play groupie all summer, I do want to be making use of this time. This time can be a season where I can figure out my calling, my job, my appointment. What is my Father calling me into? I know he has great plans for my life. So often I find myself wandering away from that and tip toeing back towards my will, my plans, what I want to do. That’s never been a good place for me. At times it can seem so hard to stay on His path and not go astray; even though that path is smoother, easier, the scenery is more beautiful. Yet there is always something calling me back to my path. My path is laden with jagged rocks, its muddy and dirty, and the scenery can be scary and dark at times. My path is called My free will.
Lately, I’ve been taking His path. So, what does that look like? Well… I’m going to start by making a list of all the things I do on a regular basis that I love doing! Things I am passionate about, and that I could enjoy doing as a career, or a direction in life. (In no particular order)
- Gardening – YASSSSSS!!!!! This is when I am most in my zone. I may sound like a weirdo, but, I love my house plants! haha. They make my house warmer and more cozy and they keep the air clean. I love my green thumb.
- DIY Projects – I love painting, making dream catchers, refurbishing furniture and decorations, scrapbooking, re-decorating. Any arts and craft project…yes please!
- Make-up – Completely obsessed. Makeup is E V E R Y T H I N G for me. It is a way for me to express myself creatively, and it makes me feel confident and beautiful! HELLO DAYTIME GRAMMY!
- Reading – This is probably to only time that I can completely shut off my mind and I find that I will actually crave this time of peace.
- Writing – Not just blogging for you guys, but keeping a journal for my own heart. I love taking notes from books that I read, or just babbling on about where I’m at. I find letting out these thoughts and feelings really helps me disconnect from them and let go of them.
- Cooking/Baking – Thank you Momma Bear. She taught me everything I know about cooking and my husband thanks her! haha. Seriously. Ask him, I know my way around a kitchen.
- Traveling/Camping – I love to see the world. It reminds me how small and insignificant I really am in the big picture. I like getting back to our roots, thus camping.
- Organization – Call it OCD, call it perfectionism. The big O gives me warm fuzzies inside. Hello Organization, come through!
- MUSIC – My heart is for music, period. Watching my husband doing his thing musically brings me so much joy!
Sooo… that my friends, is what I’m really into right now. All over the place. haha.
I know that If I pursue my hearts desires (see above) with good intention, always keeping my heart’s posture focused on my Father’s will, that he will direct me and guide me to where I am suppose to go. Why? Because he is a good, good Father. And I trust Him.
Fingers crossed and praying for a breakthrough, a clear direction.
On another note, reconciliation has been made with the in-laws. We stopped by their house last night and had a really good visit with them. I had a chance to apologize and we have moved on. Thank you Jesus! I really don’t like being in that uncomfortable place of knowing you need to make amends with/to someone and haven’t yet. That place of waiting. Yuck. I really hope that I can just keep my shit together, and keep this relationship going healthy. On a healthy note: STILL SOBER!!!
If any of you guys reading this are like me, and you have no idea what you want to do with your life,comment, like, share or subscribe to my blog. Give me your suggestions or ideas, I would love to hear them!
Off to get ready – heading over to the studio with my husband this afternoon to hang while the Young Bloods record. I just love being at the studio, the smell of cedar; my happy place.
#recovery #god #mentalhealth