“Feel everything, because you’re healing, and because you are allowed to experience all of your emotions at once or in waves. Feelings give you permission to start the process of making your way back home. Why get lost in hiding from yourself?” – Alex Elle
Doing the right thing can be hard, but when we know that it’s the best possible choice for our healing and for us to move forward, we must pursue what’s hard. The hard choice comes with consequences at times. That is my story.
As I have shared before – In the deepest darkest depths of my episodes and in the height of my addiction I have behaved in absolutely absurd manners. I have lied and cheated. I have manipulated people to get what I want. I have deeply hurt those that I love the most. The moment I found mental clarity and/or sobered up I instantly felt ashamed. Guilty, embarrassed, and completely disgusted in my behavior – and in whom it was directed too. I without a doubt knew that I had to right my wrongs. That meant owning up to my actions, making amends where necessary, and making up for my thieving ways. It is an extremely uncomfortable place to be in, but it must be done. It is the right thing to do, and the right thing isn’t always the easy thing.
Even doing the right thing can have it’s consequences, and so – In turn, and rightfully so, those casualties may open up and shared their feelings and thoughts with other people. Enter the domino effect. Those people then go on to form opinions and theories about me. About who I truly am as a person, my heart’s intentions, and make assumptions as to why I behaved in the ways I did. Feeling all that they may be feeling/thinking can hurt. It touches the deep places of my heart and brings up all those emotions once again.
When you walk down the street and see someone who used to smile and wave to you, but this time you get a major case of the stink eye and a harsh scowl. That hurts. It hurts deep. It’s a hard pill to swallow to realize that not everyone sees you for the real you. Not everyone is going to see past illness or addiction. People are closed-minded, their opinions easily shaped and influenced, and we have zero control over that. As my mentor once told me, “what others think of you is none of your business”, wise words. We do however have full control over how we chose to process and feel through the emotions we carry as a result.
How exactly do we start the process of walking back home you ask? Here are a few things that I have tried that have worked for me:
- Don’t try to run from it. Opinions are a dime a dozen and as it’s been said, validation is for parking. Our sense of self-worth cannot come from what they think. If we rely solely on their view of us to build our true worth and character we might as well just quit now. We will never please the whole crowd. And that crowd? It’s a big one, and there’s no way around them. We must walk through. Make peace with that fact.
- Forgive yourself. For the times I didn’t think or act like I was whole, and then believed I wasn’t. For choosing poorly. For thinking that I was not equal to the crowd. For the pain I allowed myself to feel for people undeserving of my emotions. For buying into the lie that I am the only one who makes mistakes; that I am defined by those mistakes.
- Forgive yourself again. And again. And again. Keep forgiving yourself until you feel some peace within. Until you realize that you are more beautiful for being broken.
- Try to change one little thing every day, for the better. Maybe the whole healing process isn’t really about trying to become more and more like the person you want to be. Perhaps it’s about unbecoming who you are not meant to be. Think about that. Who do you not want to be? Make a list. I know that I do not want to be a liar, or a thief, or manipulate people; and so each day I will change one little part of me that I know I don’t want to be – in turn, we will just naturally progress towards who we are meant to be. Small steps every day.
- Create a gratitude list. When we are grateful, fear disappears. Let go of what you think your life is “supposed” to be like, just be grateful for everything it is; glorious mess and all. Even if you feel like your life is a disaster; there’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for: sunshine, breathing, food, etc. There’s always something. Highlighting the good stuff helps take our focus away from the deep heartfelt emotions.
- Just breathe. It’s amazing what a few deep breaths can do! Just give it a try in the midst of your emotional moment. In, out, in, out. It has been said that when we breathe it brings the mind back home to the body. That is the whole point isn’t it? To get back home?
- You can never judge a person by what you see or hear, on the surface if you will, you have to let them heal and do their thing. Remember to do that for others, and give yourself the same benefit.
What else do you guys do to process through your negative and hard emotions? Leave your comments below so that I can try out your methods. WE can help each other out.
“If you are willing to try then be equally as willing not to give up. There will be times when you have had enough. You will face hardships, naysayers and self-doubt; but you can make it through. If your love is worth it, if your end goal is worth it, if the outcome is something that feeds your passion, don’t be swayed. Stand firmly rooted in your belief that something beautiful, great and amazing is coming”. – Alex Elle
Chat soon xo